two posts in one day? well, i do declare!
blame it on the fact that i’m home from work today & finally have some room to
breathe catch up on reading blogs & write. no fun being ill but, silver linings. (:
extra time always means extra thoughts for me. & of late, there has been so much to think about but too little time for introspection. still, i’ve made it a point to at least write something down in the 23,536,462,900th paper journal of mine (funny, how i’d “swore off” paper journals only to keep finding myself returning to good old fashioned paper & ink) & i’m glad, i guess. i used to question my writing everything down but now i know that if not for the fact that i seem to be obsessed with documentation, i’d never have anything to look back on & remember(!) yes, i’ve been cleaning my room out in stages— slowly, painfully; & i’ve came across a bunch of random jottings & scribblings. i had half a mind to reproduce some of them here in this digital space but i think i just might not after all. some things are just better left where they are & where they’ve always been.
more & more, too i’m starting to realise a lot more about myself. scrolling through old photos motivated by good reason, i’ve noticed that i’ve changed significantly. strange, as i’ve never really believed that to be true about me. of course it could never be true that the 25 year-old me today is still the same 16 year-old me but i remember confiding in momsy that i feel no different looking in the mirror through the years. in photos, now i do. maybe that’s how, intrinsically, i sprouted my love for photography & pictures. ironic as it is, i never liked taking photographs as a child & refused to smile because i thought i was “cooler” for it. but who knows how & when, one day, i started clicking away on a camera & just never stopped. i think so much of something is & can be captured in a photograph— even the things you don’t actually see with the naked eye. looking at a picture now, i can remember the exact way i felt that day. what happened, where i went, who i was with, who i was.. everything just comes rushing back. how amazing & scary, both!
it has been a bittersweet process, no doubt but i’ve come to find that so much of me is slowly beginning to be okay with a lot now. & i guess this, is growing up.